Lost Elements of Womanhood
and Motherhood
Copyright 2002 by Swami Gurupremananda Saraswati
Blaming our mothers, fathers, educators or society for anything found lacking in our own lives is of no value at all, but acknowledging that there may be elements of our upbringing which hold us back from fully experiencing our womanhood is vital. This requires reflection on our past as well as honesty with ourselves about who we are. It also requires us to consider our own part in the relationship we had with our mothers.
As to “what is a woman” and “what is a mother” there is no absolute or objective measure. Such things can only ever be measured against your own conscience. But, according to yoga, our conscience, or level of consciousness, is always evolving, so therefore our understanding of what is woman, what is mother, is evolving for us too. Each person will, over the course of their life, discover for themselves what seems to be missing and what seems to be imbalanced. Your life will clearly show you what is wrong.
Any elements realised as missing, can be rectified by a mature adult who firstly perceives their own shortcomings and then, with determination and a suitable set of circumstances, works hard to transform even their deepest fears, neuroses or imbalances of personality. My approach to self transformation has been to use an integration of physical and psychological yoga methods. I believe the greatest benefit of yoga “therapy” over many others is that it is grounding, holistic and not just a “head trip”.
Very often in my classes, students come with problems and symptoms they cannot exactly explain – let alone identify the causes. They just want relief. During their course of self awareness, they gradually come to see what they are, and why they are in those situations. Simultaneously, the yoga “therapy” has been working on their condition such that there is both a healing and an understanding. This was exactly my own situation.
“Teenage Rebellion – My Mother and I”
My mother was a woman who lived and practised some of the elements I consider to define true womanhood. She was in touch with her fertility and, early on, tried to impart that knowledge to me. She was not a follower of what I call “fake femininity”. Her womanliness came naturally from within, and didn't need any dressing up.
During my childhood she did for me all the things any mother would do, but I was a sickly, crying child who frequently tried her patience. As a result, I grew somewhat insecure, often looking for reassurance. She was a very domineering woman, not in an obvious manner but through a subtle and complicated type of emotional manipulation. She was also very needy, due to some tragic circumstances in her own childhood I later discovered.
Like many teenage girls do, throughout my adolescence I began rejecting her advice as old-fashioned and restrictive. At the time, neither one of us was able to bridge this gap. I very much wanted to be different from her, so I sought to modernise myself through fashion, risqué sexual encounters, and by creating relationships with women and men more mature in age and attitude than myself.
My adolescence ended prematurely and rather unsatisfactorily – for both of us. At the age of seventeen I had my first child, and was instantly forced to become a woman. Rather than allowing this experience to draw us closer together, we both shadow-boxed around each other, neither knowing how to address the obvious “mess” I had created in my life.
In my rebellious adolescence, I was desperate to be my own person. Instead of my pregnancy allowing me an opportunity for that freedom, I felt that if I kept the child I would be forever beholden to my parents who were lovingly offering me on-going support. I did however feel she was also using the circumstances as a way to keep me close to her.
Eventually I made the decision to give my baby up for adoption at birth, a seemingly mature attitude at the time, but one that I now understand to have been driven by my desire to break free from my mother.
As it turned out, the birth of my first daughter was (according to my mother) a mirror image of my own birth – fearful and traumatic. My little baby girl had sadly ended up as just a pawn in her immature mother’s (and her manipulative grandmother’s) game.
Over the next 10 years, despite trying to keep the peace and play the dutiful daughter, things didn’t get much better between us. Whilst I had a desire to rebuild bridges, somehow we never did. Neither did we ever again discuss female sexuality or what it meant to be a woman. I discovered my own frameworks for these things.
As the years passed, I gradually lost respect for my mother as she developed a serious problem with alcohol. Even a new beginning for me at the age of 25 with marriage and a better childbirth failed to bring us any closer together. As that marriage collapsed some years later, in concurrence with the death of my father, instead of mutual unconditional support between us, I was made to feel like a naughty teenager all over again, and was unable to reach out to my mother in those testing times.
Soon after, I set out on a journey of self discovery. I moved further away from her physically to give myself space to think my life through. The visits “home” became less and less frequent. During this period I tried to convey to my mother how I was getting stronger in myself and clearer about my mothering. But she just wanted me to move back closer, visit her more often, and continue being the same old daughter rather than a developing mother. My attempts at honesty between us were always seen as attacks, further widening the gap. After 3 more years of this, I realised that I had to cut myself completely free of our relationship so as to be able to become the woman I wanted to (and knew I could) be.
Elements of my relationship with my mother may sound familiar to you. I know they have been for many women I have met. I use the story primarily as an example of how a breakdown in the mother / daughter relationship during adolescence can cause an unbridgeable distance later on, and how this can unfortunately lead to the loss of much potential maternal wisdom and guidance. But what actually appeared to be a breakdown between us due to an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 17, actually had its roots much further back in our relationship – as I later discovered.
I hinted all through the story that my relationship with my mother was always difficult. Right from the start, there was a great sadness and clash between us. Whenever she would retell her birthing stories, my birth was always described as the worst, even though I was the second and smallest of the 3 babies she had. My birth was long overdue; it was a long and arduous labour requiring an episiotomy and forceps; she had a lonely post-natal period in hospital; I wouldn’t breastfeed; and, in her words – “You cried for the first 2 years”. What a start to life! But also, what a history for her to bring to her first grandchild’s birth, and for me to bring to my first daughter’s birth. Why should I have been so constitutionally different from my brothers, who are seen in photos as chubby, happy babies, whilst I am barely visible? My own mother’s birth holds yet another piece of the puzzle as to what might have gone “wrong” between us – details of which unfold in a future section “Our Maternal Legacies.
I have learned through investigations into my family history that because my mother was unable to come to terms with her own childbirthing experiences, and transcend a less-than-ideal beginning between us, our relationship was somehow locked into deep patterns of negativity. Like a house with bad foundations, there was an underlying structural weakness upon which neither of us could firmly build.
This lesson is one of the themes which run strongly through “Mother as First Guru” – that not only must we focus clearly on where we are going in our motherhood journey, but that we must also resolve within ourselves where we have come from and what has made us the woman we are today.
Women who carry the burden of disharmony with their mother, and who do not break free of negative emotional involvement as I did, frequently remain in very compromised relationships, driven by factors such as duty and guilt more than by respect and love. Where such a relationship is retarding the growth of the daughter into her own woman, and even her relationship with her own children, a break away can be a great tonic and clarifier for what needs doing. Sometime later, if / when the two parties have grown beyond their limiting patterns, resolution may be possible.
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Extracts from the Book “Mother as First Guru”
By Swami Gurupremananda Saraswati - Copyright 2002.
The author, Swami Guruprem, is a birthmother of 6 children, Integral Yoga teacher, a sannyasin disciple in the Satyananda Saraswati Order, natural childbirth educator, spiritual midwife, wholefoods educator, home-birther, home-schooler and author. In her 20 years of motherhood and yoga experience, she has conducted public & private yoga classes, seminars, workshops, retreats, wholefoods cooking courses, as well as counselled many women towards a healthier, more natural lifestyle. For more information and contact, please visit Tara Yoga
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What Is Goddess Sexuality?
by Linda Savage, Ph.D.
760-758-3308
Goddess Therapy
Imagine living in a culture where sex was sacred and not a sin! The cultures that honored the divine feminine, existing for over 30,000 years, knew that our sexuality was a life-affirming expression of the life force. Sexuality and spirituality was never seen as separate in these cultures and only became split during the patriarchal era. The ancient cultures understood that sexual pleasure was a wonderful way to honor the Goddess, connect with spirit and renew the land, as well as to connect deeply with others.
The rituals performed at Beltane, (the Celtic celebration of the rebirth of spring on May 1st) reflected this integration of sex, spirit, and community. Such celebrations were enacted in earth honoring cultures all over the world and continue in areas such as Latvia, one of the oldest intact cultures in Europe (5,000 years or more). On the summer Solstice, every adult Latvian participates in a celebration that is similar to Mardi Gras, with its ribald jokes, libations and erotic costumes, but with added benefits.
One of the central aspects of the ancient celebrations surrounding the Solstices and quarter days (May 1st, August 1st, Nov. 1st and Feb. 2nd) was the enactment of the Great Marriage, which was a sexual union between the High Priestess, who was the earthly representative of the Goddess and her consort. Later, with the new patriarchal cultures, the High Priestess enacted the ritual with the local lord or king. The rite revealed to the people the deeper mysteries of sexuality. The Great Marriage ritual was performed in a beautiful private setting, but the whole community participated in the processions, singing, and prayer that surrounded and supported the success of their magical connection. The powerful energy that the couple generated was released to ensure the prosperity of the community. It was also believed to connect the community with the ultimate life force energy of the universe.
What followed for the entire community was a whole day and sometimes week of great joyous celebrating-feasting, drinking, dancing, singing and open enjoyment of eroticism. The Beltane fires were lit at sundown and after many hours of celebrating and leaping over the fires, couples would melt away into the night to enjoy with each other a night of erotic pleasure that they knew was the best way to honor the Goddess.
Goddess sexuality reflects this ancient erotic paradigm that integrates sexuality and spirituality. The uniting of sex and spirit is an ancient memory that is now emerging in our collective consciousness. We see examples in trainings such as Tantra, Taoist, Quodoushka, Toltec, Egyptian and other traditions. Today, we can re-affirm our deep instinctual understanding that our sexuality is both a healing energy and a pathway to raising our consciousness. Whether practiced with a partner or solo, we can use the preparation of sacred space, breathing techniques and visualization to bathe our energetic fields and release our desires out into the universe. Goddess sexuality is the acknowledgement that ecstatic union with the life force is our birthright. It offers us life-long permission to explore and enjoy sexual pleasure.
Many of you intuitively know the link between spirituality and sexuality through direct experience. One woman, I’ll call Carrie, related the following experience. “At the moment of orgasm I knew that I was in a great, golden light and I experienced myself as transparent, luminous energy. I saw seven star-like, golden, swirling points that lined up in my body. I did not know about the chakras at the time but later I discovered that that’s what I saw. My energy centers looked like radiant golden lights in my body.” What she had visualized was the life force freely flowing through all seven energy centers that were illuminated and energized by her orgasm.
When sexual energy is perceived as purely genital sensations, it can be misunderstood as a simple physical release in order to produce feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. However, sexual energy can move up from the base of the spine, radiating through the whole body-mind system. It can be experienced as healing from the heart as well as psychically illuminating.
Developing Compassion
Sexually, the heart is a source of healing for the self and the partner. The shift from personal attachment desire into selfless love for another is facilitated through communion with the partner. Where personal desire generates sexual attachment, the feeling of “this one is mine,” loving communion extends beyond personal attachment. The partner is no longer perceived as “mine,” but as a beloved gift of the Divine.
Exercise: In order to experience the generating and receiving of loving energy from the heart with a partner, sit facing each other before you begin to touch. You should each place one hand over your partner’s heart and look into each other’s eyes. Feel the heat of your partner’s hand on your heart and imagine the warmth of a small sun emanating from your heart towards your partner. Visualize this as divine love and imagine it as a beautiful color. If you need to do so, close your eyes at this point in order to focus on the inner sensation of warmth in the area of your heart and to visualize its color. Now imagine this warmth radiating from the center of your heart like the rays of the sun, enveloping your partner as well as yourself in a warm, liquid, colorful light. Stay with this visualization as it changes or moves and breathe deeply. Continue to be aware of this energy from your heart center for a few moments. Then, when you are ready to open your eyes, look into your partner’s eyes and tell your partner some of the loving feelings you have experienced.
Self-Disclosure/Telling the Truth
Intimate communication is really the ability to tell our partner the truth about our selves. For most of us, it is difficult to tell our partners the truth about our very vulnerable feelings. One of my patients expressed her fears about being honest with her partner. She wrote, “why am I afraid to tell you who I am? I’m afraid that if I tell you, you may not like me and that’s all I have.” Thus, the desire to tell the truth competes with the very real fear that if you show your true colors, you will be rejected. As you work with
communication skills notice how often fear emerges when you practice self-disclosure.
Exercise: The most important communication skill in intimate relationships is the ability to listen without judgment. The best way to learn listening skills is to summarize what your partner is saying. Here is a way to practice listening to each other telling the truth about your selves. Sit comfortably, facing each other and let one of you begin talking. The other will be the active listener. Summarize what your partner is saying at least once every two minutes. You might say something like, “just let me make sure I understand you, before you go on.” After you have summarized for a while, using his or her words, you can begin to ask clarifying or open-ended questions. For example if your partner says, “I need to feel respected,” you could ask, “when you say, ‘respected’ can you tell me what you mean by that?” “Can you tell me more about that?” or, “could you give me an example of what you mean by that?” Open-ended questions help you gather information more efficiently about how your partner feels. When it is you turn to talk for about twenty minutes and you are aware that your partner is not listening to you, try saying, “would you be willing to tell me what you just heard me say?” Remember that you must not invalidate each other’s feelings by saying, “you shouldn’t feel this way,” or “that’s ridiculous, how could you feel like that?”
Your goal should be to communicate deeper truths about yourself, outside your comfort zone. You can be truly known, once you have faced the fear that is responsible for your discomfort. Your ability to tell the truth about yourself deepens your capacity for intimacy and intensifies sexual desire. Practicing conscious loving connects us to our partners and can serve as a pathway to the next level of sexual expression, consciousness expansion.
Visualization
In ecstatic, sexual states we can perceive data beyond the physical senses. It is the source of spiritual visions during a particularly powerful release of energy. This stimulates the psychic senses to reveal information with extraordinary clarity. In addition, one can also visualize a desired goal at the moment of orgasm. In this way, creative ideas have a greater chance of becoming manifested. It is an ancient practice of shaping reality with extraordinary results.
Exercise: You can try this alone with self-stimulation, or with your partner. If you are working with a partner, you should practice the heart exercise, above, for several sessions, and establish intimate communication with active listening and self-disclosure. Set aside one hour or more and set up a sacred space with candles, incense, beautiful colors, and your sacred objects. Begin to breath together, generating and receiving loving energy from the heart. As you move slowly into lovemaking, gaze into your partner’s eyes and acknowledge the God/Goddess within. Bring your awareness into the visual image of your desired goal. Hold that image as you release energy with your orgasm. You may want to experiment with using sound as you release the energy as well.
Inspiration and Guidance
There are transcendental, sexual experiences that produce a sense of merging with the source of energy, losing physical boundaries at the moment of orgasm. It is often described as “being in the moment of boundless bliss.” Many ancient and modern
visionary experiences are described as feelings of being “bathed in pure light.” It is cosmic orgasm, the direct experience of the self as pure energy, in union with a divine source. Experiences of sexual energy that go far beyond ordinary reality can be terrifying without any preparation. It may evoke disbelief or fear in some because it involves loss of the sense of the physical body. Sometimes developing conscious rituals and meditation techniques allow you to be more open to such transcendent experiences.
Exercise: If you choose to practice this with a partner, you will need to communicate clearly with each other about your expectations. It is important to recognize that your experiences of transcendence will be unique from your partner’s. Attaining ecstatic states through sexual interaction is very personal; however, it is helpful to feel a conscious bond with your partner. Your rituals need to be infused with your own creativity. You can borrow from ancient rituals, such as honoring the four directions of the Native American Medicine Wheel. The Wiccan tradition uses rhythmic poetry and movement. You may want to work with the Yoga practices of meditation and chanting. Kundalini Yoga, Taoism, Tantra and Native American Quodoushka all teach specific techniques to move the energy up from the base of the spine, through the genitals and the heart center to the crown at the top of the head. The effect of all these techniques is to energize the body-mind-spirit interaction.
The ancient cultures that worshipped the Divine Feminine perceived universal energy as a pulsing spiral. The spiral of energy moves up and down the body through all the energy centers in a continuous, pulsing current. In essence, we are plugged into a cosmic “electric outlet” through the energy center near the top the head. Continuing the analogy to electricity, our bodies cannot function well if energy is not grounded firmly in the energy center near the base of the spine.
It may seem outrageous to view sexuality in such lofty terms. Yet, it no longer makes sense to deny the spiritual dimension of our sexuality, as if we had “lower,” physical urges and “higher,” spiritual functions, disconnected from the body. Since sexual energy is the source of our connection to the life force, the benefits to physical, emotional, and mental health are obvious. There is truly an endless supply of loving sexual energy. Consequently, there are more unlimited playful moments, times of communion with our partners and spiritual ecstasy than most of us can ever imagine.
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Linda E. Savage, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist and sex therapist who has been exploring the mysteries of sexual healing for over 25 years. Dr. Savage is the author of Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality: The Power of the Feminine Way, which presents a view of women’s sexuality that blends the ancient wisdom of the Goddess cultures with current clinical knowledge.
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The Power of the Sacred Danceby Dr. Tonya K. Freeman - Minister - Metaphyscian
In ancient times, woman as Priestess, as Goddess danced the Sacred Dance in the beauty of her nakedness. She danced in the temples, the hills, the valley, in the desert and by the ocean, connecting herself to the entire universe. She was one with all things. The Dance was a celebration of life itself. UNI- VERSE. ONE SONG. THE SONG OF LOVE.
Women knew the magic and the healing power of the Sacred Dance. They knew that by dancing together and for one another that they were doing the work of the Mother Goddess. They enjoyed a direct connection to the Divine Femi9 Energy.
Somewhere in the distance as men looked upon the Sacred Dance, many must have felt threatened, thinking that woman had no right to be who she was, as she was, especially after the onslaught of patriarchy.
Woman was told to cover herself, for fear that she was doing the work of the devil and would lure an innocent man into her wild uninhibited lair, where he would lose himself to her charms. She was told that only women of an a certain type would dance in such a manner. The Sacred Dance had been relegated to a new status. One that was considered lewd and only for the entertainment of men. The Sacred Dance had fallen into the hands of a patriarchal society.
The natural movement of a woman's body, the love of that movement is a healing energy. It is a birthing, fertility dance that is beautiful, rhythmic, and very empowering.
We of the womb energy, are beginning to get back in touch with our natural movement. In my heart, I know that we can become whole again by connecting to that Sensual Spirit that lies hidden deep within us. Connecting ourselves to the Moon, a feminine receptive energy, from her newness to her fullness and back again. Understanding and feeling our connection to the Earth, as mineral beings…embracing the depth and the rhythm of the ocean, the waters that flow throughout our body.
Women are magnetic - receptive - yin energy. This energy is also known as negative energy. We are told to get rid of negative energy. If we do that, there will be no balance. In these days and times, there is much focus on the Femi9 Energy. The Goddess Energy is surfacing because the time is right and is much needed.
As we dance the Sacred Dance feeling the nature of our Sensual Spirit, the world will become a more harmonious place.
Dance and your heart will be joyful. Dance, feel and connect to your power.
Dancing is meditation in motion. Dancing is prayer. So let's dance and manifest a better world, for ourselves and All Our Relations.
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Words of Wisdom
The true worth of a race
must be measured by the character of its womanhood.
- Mary McLeod Bethune -
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