Importance of Early Guidance
Copyright 2002 by Swami Gurupremananda Saraswati
From the time of their own conception right through to the moment of first parenting, each person has (at least partly) been a product of their parents’ experience whilst simultaneously being a student of life. Since every child has been conceived in, gestated and then born from out of the woman, the primary relationship and the most binding one, is with the mother
As the book’s title suggests, I believe this primal relationship is the most profound and important one we can have, especially since it forms some of the earliest physical and mental patterns we accrue and hence causes many of the subsequent situations we encounter in our lives.
In each phase of these cycles, whether it be a boy or a girl, brought up by the mother, the father or both parents, a child needs a mentor, someone to guide them not only with theoretical advice, but also by living example. For at least the first couple of years every child’s primary mentor is their mother. During these years, most learning is either by way of instruction or infusion – picked up from family rituals and the parents’ lifestyle choices. “That’s just the way it is” – the child thinks ……… that is until they are about 2 years old when all such understandings are fit only for testing and breaking!
At every stage of our development, experiences are impressed into our physical and psychic nature such that the patterns we carry forward into the next phase significantly control the events which follow. To grow up into a well balanced and mature individual, a child needs to fully experience, comprehend and eventually transcend each phase of their growth cycle. This process of learning, understanding and then letting go is what I would define as maturing. Satisfactory maturation allows accrued experience to be wholly assimilated into all the following phases.
It is like the construction of a house whose foundations may only be small compared to what they eventually support. They must be very firm and go deep enough. The next phase, the flooring, stands and depends upon them, with the walls upon the floor, the roof upon the walls and so on. As every builder knows, omissions or shoddy work at any stage, particularly at the beginning, will only lead to damage and eventual collapse. There are lots of people today, walking around like that. They are commonly known as “damaged” people and very frequently come from a dysfunctional family, in my view, a “house” poorly constructed from the foundations upwards.
It would therefore benefit us greatly to have wise parents who are also our teachers to help us with those experiences which enrich us and prepare us for growing up. Ideally, parents should actively help children in their process of maturation rather than assuming society or life will automatically do it for them. “Oh, he’ll grow out of it” we so often hear. Often this classic line is just a cop-out for a parent who has no idea how to stem the tide of events they find beyond their understanding or control. Such a statement is patently false when one observes just how many kids do not grow out of situations they were not wisely guided through. Such a statement is plainly irresponsible when one sees the number of adults still behaving like immature children. Frequently, the necessary guidance is abrogated to social institutions or the child’s own peers rather than dealt with by those who know and love the child the most. Perhaps a relationship based on mutual respect was never formed in early life, or perhaps it broke down some time later. Either way, it is the parents’ responsibility to initially develop such trust and to maintain, repair and restore it if needed.
But to be the wise teachers we must have learned those same lessons. We must have broken the limiting patterns of our own imperfect upbringing. We must be brutally honest with ourselves that we do have parental failings, and that we do have attributes which are not in the best interests of our children’s personal growth.
So in the same way that we wish to guide our children spiritually, we need wise guides of our own. Are our own parents the ones we turn to for this guidance or are there other suitable people who could help us grow in love, wisdom and true parental guidance?
I believe that modern society has all but lost such great teachers. The traditions of the old wise teachers have been replaced by the new celebrity experts of populist authors, and social and medical researchers.
The role a wise mother should play actually begins long before pregnancy, but the most important phases in which she really holds the rudder of her children’s future is in the combination of uterine life, the birthing event and during the first few years. It is here that she must recognise that she alone assumes the role of the child’s first guru.
In-utero, a mother must create for her baby a safe and healthy environment in which to grow to its greatest foetal potential. Every single mother-to-be, I am sure, wants her baby to be born in the best physical condition and yet, so many live in polluted cities, eat polluted foods and expose their unborn children to all manner of stressful situations as they go about their lives. So many woman choose to carry on such activities right up until full term with barely a care for the effects it may be having on their baby. If a woman truly wants to give her baby the best and healthiest start to life she should be focussing on doing just that, by residing and working and eating and living in the healthiest possible way for as long before the birth as she can possibly manage.
A woman must satisfactorily prepare for the birthing episode, and not by just finding a nice obstetrician and painting out the nursery! It is a mother’s role to prepare herself, the baby and any support members for the birth. She should plan and try to set it up just the way she would like it to go. How it turns out ….. well …. that might be a different matter! As birth approaches, her own life should change to follow natural rhythms so as to prepare herself and the baby for the routine of life outside the womb. This is particularly important since it is not correct that the newborn should have to fit into the mother’s day. Rather, the baby will have greater needs than the mother and therefore, during pregnancy, the mother should be getting into a newborn baby’s routine well in advance! That way, when the baby arrives, neither of them will get a big shock.
Less tangibly, but most importantly, she should focus on developing love and bonding. These days more and more women are “meeting” their babies in utero – and I don’t just mean by ultrasound imaging. The mother-child relationship can easily be well established prior to birth. Through meditation and visualisation it just takes getting into yourself rather than focussing outwards.
The birth is a very important time when the mother can deeply shape the child’s future experiences. A difficult birth, for whatever reasons, can leave a baby traumatised for days, weeks, months or possibly his whole life. Consider the in-built fear a baby girl then carries on to her own adult birthing experiences. Alternatively, a beautifully natural, non-traumatic birth will give that girl a deep memory of ease and confidence for her own mothering events.
Becoming educated about the process of birth, not just by books and classes, but through sharing experiences with other experienced mums and by exploring your body’s inherent abilities, is the duty of the wise mother. Some midwives and doctors say that the baby does the birthing and that the mother should just trust in her body’s processes and let it happen. This is true. Others say that the mother should be active and make it happen as she feels she needs to. This is also true. I would say, that since both of the above actually occur within the woman, it is she who is the ultimate guide for the process, more an overseer, a coordinator, but not necessarily a controller. Yes, this makes her completely responsible! Yes, it means she should be the one in charge, she must be the one in charge, in short, she is the one in charge! Failure to recognise this equates with a failure to take responsibility for the ensuing birthing experience.
During early childhood, a child automatically knows that it is his mother who possesses and administers their greatest needs. These needs are food, consolation, relaxation, companionship, security, trust, as well as that intangible bond of mutual love. Here the mother guru sets the stage for the rest of that child’s life experience involving those very same attributes. How else does a human being imbibe such knowledge if not from the introduction which his mother gives him? And what becomes of that human being if such qualities are missing or incomplete? Just ask any person who has lost their mother early in life. Many state they feel indescribably incomplete.
In adolescence, a rapidly growing child needs a clear and compassionate teacher to gain knowledge of all aspects of their emerging adulthood. A positive self image must be continually reinforced and nurtured. They need to understand what happens inside their body, not just in intellectual terms, but experientially. For girls this means fully understanding and accepting their fertility, its accompanying menstruation and their psycho-hormonal tendencies (i.e. PMS). For boys it means understanding and accepting their own testosterone-based mechanisms of arousal and release.
Children must be allowed to be explorative of, and empowered by, their sexuality. Early on they should be taught to understand the importance of sexual health. Through openness of discussion and education in the family home they should learn the ways of love and love making. And, through all these lessons, they must learn the power that sexuality has over themselves and others. They need to experience and properly understand the passing reality of “teen love” as a preparation for a more mature love and to also accept relationship disappointments. The precipitous balance between self discipline and freedom of _expression must be learned so that the usual anarchic teenage tendencies do not become habitual patterns for life. If the parents have previously established an open attitude to such things and a relationship of respect and trust already exists, this frequently difficult phase of growth can be traversed without undue complications.
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Extracts from the Book “Mother as First Guru”
By Swami Gurupremananda Saraswati - Copyright 2002.
The author, Swami Guruprem, is a birthmother of 6 children, Integral Yoga teacher, a sannyasin disciple in the Satyananda Saraswati Order, natural childbirth educator, spiritual midwife, wholefoods educator, home-birther, home-schooler and author. In her 20 years of motherhood and yoga experience, she has conducted public & private yoga classes, seminars, workshops, retreats, wholefoods cooking courses, as well as counselled many women towards a healthier, more natural lifestyle. For more information and contact, please visit Tara Yoga
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Staying Fit During Pregnancy
by Carla Creech, CD, ISMA/AAI
Today, women seek information and support to have healthy pregnancies and babies without sacrificing their own fitness and lifestyle. Women can no longer afford to remain idle or inactive whether they are carrying “sacred” gifts or not. It is particularly important to remain active during pregnancy if at all possible.
During pregnancy wonderful changes are happening in the body. With the demands placed on women today, a fitness program and healthy lifestyle can be flexible and adaptable. Naturally everyone will not have the same fitness goals for their pregnancy. For some moms, pregnancy for the first time might show just how healthy they are. There are others who are in pretty good shape, who have adapted to some sort of exercise regime and might need a program that will change with their changing bodies. Some moms are athletes and want to stay in optimal shape and will adapt to a program that is just right for them.
With proper guidance and advice from a midwife or physician a mother can have a pre-natal/post partum fitness program that is fun, safe and effective all while connecting with their babies and their ever changing bodies. The ultimate goal is to prepare the baby’s “first mobile home” for the marathon of birth and labor…..our strong, beautifully blessed bodies.
The Benefits of Exercise during Pregnancy
There are wonderful benefits of exercising during pregnancy that will vary depending on the mom. Most hope that it can affect their labor, making it shorter, less painful. However, there has been no evidence that proves the total delivery length is shortened by exercise during pregnancy, although the tolerance for pain might be higher. Here are some benefits:
* Maintenance or improvement of maternal fitness and posture
* Improved mental outlook and self image
* Increased energy
* Increased sleep (restful)
* Less backache
* Rapid post partum recovery
* Improved circulation
* Reduces “postpartum belly”
* Increases stamina that is needed during labor
There are ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) recommendations that are intended for women who are seemingly healthy with no additional risk factors for adverse or paternal outcome. These conditions should be considered contraindications to exercise during the pregnancy. Ask your caregiver for information.
Let’s talk about Cardiovascular Activities
There are three main components of exercise…..aerobic endurance, muscular strength, and joint flexibility. Let’s explore cardiovascular first:
For those mothers who are currently involved in an exercise program, they might be advised to continue with minor changes. They may need to reduce the intensity level due to cardiovascular and pulmonary changes. Increased blood volume of up to 40% in the first trimester will increase resting heart rates by 10-20 beats per minute. The heart works extra hard to pump the blood through the veins and arteries.
For those moms who are inactive, a vigorous program might not be recommended, but one that is moderately monitored can be beneficial.
In both cases women may find it easier to exercise in 10-15 minute bouts and include “cross training” which use different cardio machines per workout.
Always warm up and cool down. The purpose of warming up is to increase the inner core body temperature while preparing the body for work. The cooling down is necessary to prevent blood pooling in the large muscles allowing the blood to return to the brain, heart and other vital organs. End each session with a cool down of at least 3-5 minutes.
Cardio Exercise Recommendations
A cardio workout schedule for a beginner mom ideally, would be 3x per week, up to 20 minutes per session. An intermediate mom ideally, could have a 3-5x per week session lasting 20-30 minutes each and an advanced mom could easily maintain a daily schedule up to 45 minutes per session. All levels should be monitored using both heart rate monitoring and perceived exertion scale (RPE). RPE system is used when you assess how you feel during exercise in terms of the scale. During pregnancy the perceived rate of exertion may be higher, meaning the same or less work may seem harder. The training zone during pregnancy will be between 11-16. Starting on a scale of 7 (very, very, light) and 17 (very hard) gives an idea of work.
Cardiovascular Activities
Jogging, Running, walking, treadmill, Aqua exercise classes, Stair Master, Swimming, Dancing (especially belly/womb), hiking, rower, aerobic class, cross country skiing, prenatal exercise classes.
In all the activities it is important to have your caregiver’s clearance. Wear proper clothes, good shoes, hydrate properly, warm-up, cool down, stretch and most of all listen to your body and enjoy this special time with your “sacred” bundle.
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Carla Creech is a Certified Doula and Pre/Post Natal Certified Instructor. She may be reached by calling 718-978-8785.
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The Three Stages of a Women's Lifeby Linda E. Savage Ph.D.
Goddess Therapy
Gateways to Changes in Consciousness
Advancements in health have extended the life span to twice what it was one hundred years ago. By the year 2008, postmenopausal women will comprise the largest demographic group in America. The ancient tripartite divisions of Maiden, Mother, and Crone can be even more be meaningful in women’s lives as the Crone stage becomes one third of our lifespan. Each stage of a woman’s life is organized around what Goddess Cultures called the blood mysteries : menarche, (the first monthly flow of blood); childbirth, which is accompanied by blood from birthing; and menopause, when a woman’s “wise blood” remained inside her to give her wisdom. These are still powerful landmarks, which profoundly influence women’s lives. They function as psychological gateways to the change in consciousness required by each new stage.
All women will experience the powerful changes caused by female hormonal shifts. The emotions women feel, the psychological meaning they attach to the events, and transformational experiences of each stage are outgrowths of the physical timing inherent in every woman’s body. Women’s psyches are also profoundly influenced by cultural conditioning.
Forming Intuition
Menstruation, ovulation, pregnancy, childbirth, and perimenopause are such intense internal physical and psychological experiences that they compel women to focus on the internal awareness of the body. This direct experience with powerful internal states develops intuition that is grounded in body wisdom . The connection through the body to the rhythms of the cosmos is the foundation for powerful shifts in consciousness within women.
If these transformations are so natural however, why would I write about them. There are several reasons: Much has been left out in our education and there is sufficient mis-education that women focus on cultural expectations, rather than following their natural progression. The stresses of such expectations and the mixed messages in the media (to appear sexy but to abstain from sexual encounters) compound the negative spin on women’s sexuality that has gone on for over 5,000 years. On the other end of the spectrum, older woman have considerable pressure to maintain their youthful looks or to get out of the game.
The Maiden
The developmental task of the Maiden Stage is discovering individual creative potential. In spiritual terms it can be likened to the Novice preparing to become the Initiate. This can be a wonderful time to learn at all levels: building career skills, experiencing the complexities of relationships of all kinds, preparing for adult responsibilities, and developing a conscious relationship with intuitive body wisdom, that will continue for the remainder of life.
The Maiden Stage today carries the implication of innocence to the term that has been distorted out of proportion. It now implies an untouched sexuality: literally unknowing and unschooled in any way. This evaluation of Maiden innocence is insulting to the many strong, competent, vastly underestimated Maidens in their twenties. These young women are perhaps the first generation, since the Goddess Cultures were eliminated, to explore their potential including their sexuality, and to enjoy the freedom to learn and gain knowledge in a relatively unrestrained atmosphere.
Sexually, this should be a period of exploring pleasure, without the burden of motherhood. This does not mean that the Maiden period should be a time of unlimited sexual activity. There are many lessons to be learned about readiness, self-respect, and appropriate conditions for sexual encounters. However, without the patriarchal concept of the Maiden as personal property, she is free to discover for herself, with wise guidance, her path to sexual pleasure and her unique appropriate limits.
Today, although there is no formal celebration, there is a transformation of awareness for any Maiden, at the time of her first blood. Most women still report feeling some aspect of shame and embarrassment, even if only at the level of having to cover up the fact that they are bleeding from a very private part of their bodies. Ultimately there is the shadow of the feared and awesome power of conception.
The Maiden Stage does not end with first intercourse, but with pregnancy and the birth of the first child.
The Mother
The developmental task of the Mother Stage is accepting responsibility . The immense psychological change that accompanies the Mother transition are driven by hormones not available to the biological father. The fierce emotions the Mother feels about ensuring the well being of her baby are intensely personal, as no one else is as important to the baby’s survival. Among the powerful hormones released into the body with birth is prolactin, the nursing hormone, which has impressive properties for fostering the patience and nurturing abilities needed with constant mothering. The shift in consciousness that takes place with first motherhood is the most sudden and powerful of all in life, save the experience of death.
Spiritually, the Mother Stage is a time of the Journey Woman. Giving birth teaches the deeper meaning of surrender, through the experience of overpowering body processes. The responsibility of motherhood is constantly being put to the test, as the Mother learns the lessons of compassion. Whether the consciousness of the Mother dawns suddenly or slowly, it is a most profound shift in consciousness from self, to selfless compassion for another human being. Women in the Goddess Cultures were honored in the Maiden transition and well prepared for this transformation into the Mother Stage. It is my profound hope that we can reclaim these rites of passage as they were meant to be and teach their inherent wisdom to women everywhere.
Mother Stage sexuality accesses new strengths, learned from the experience of childbirth and child nurturing. Surrender (to her body sensations) and compassion are deep spiritual lessons which carry over to her sexuality. The hormones accompanying gestation and lactation strongly influence her sexual self. Her sexuality continues to develop, but with radical changes engendered by the responsibilities of nurturing children. For women who do not give birth, there are many ways to learn and express the lessons of this stage: nurturing others, taking responsibility for those in need, and mothering stepchildren, relatives’ children and animals.
Loss of sexual desire can occur in any stage. In my book, Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality, I address the issues and challenges of the Maiden and Mother stages. However, I would like to pay special attention to the most sexually powerful stage of all, the Crone.
The Crone
The developmental task of the Crone Stage is sharing wisdom. In Neolithic times, Crone women were the tribal matriarchs. Their heightened awareness of human nature yielded great insight and they were the source of wise counsel for important decisions. Spiritually, this is the Mastery phase. The Wise Woman teaches knowledge gained from her skills and life experience. It is a time of reaching into her spiritual depths, utilizing her powers of intuition, and finding meaning in her visions from the dream world. Some Crone women are masters of healing at the highest level.
The Crone Stage of life, more than any other, is a time of giving back to society the cumulative wisdom of the years. Many women have an urge to speak out, to organize others, to take action. They seem to have the energy to get more involved in the world-at-large. It is often Crone energy that leads to changes being made in society. As the Crone woman moves further into her life path she feels the urge to teach others and to cultivate her passions. It can be the most productive time in women’s lives.
The change from Mother Stage to Crone Stage is a more gradual psychological shift than the one from Maiden to Mother, so dramatically marked by the birth of the first child. The transition begins when a woman notes changes in her cycle. The duration of the perimenopausal period is as much as ten years. The symptoms vary so drastically from one woman to the next that no one, including doctors, can predict the last blood flow. Women cannot wait for total cessation of the menses to begin the shift into Crone consciousness. Women are coming to the end of intensive caretaking duties and the physical symptoms are a message that they must consider their own needs above those of others The symptoms of what is now called perimenopause are the initiation into Cronehood.
The narrow medical interpretation of menopause as an ovarian failure often leads to narrow assumptions about women’s sexuality beyond midlife. So far, women have heard mostly bad news; that their vaginas will become less elastic and dry, their energy will wane and their libidos will disappear. However, the medical paradigm both reflects and perpetuates misunderstanding about post-menopausal sexuality. The assumption is that sexual desire and pleasure inevitably decline as a result of a hormone deficiency. However, according to Dr. Christiane Northrup, author of The Wisdom of Menopause , approximately 70 to 80 percent of older women do not experience menopause as a problem. She states that the medical profession has never studied a group of women who didn’t get all the diseases of menopause that are supposedly secondary to hormone deficiency. And so the depressing statistics about sexual loss at midlife are negatively skewed.
Sexual Mastery
Sexually, the Crone Stage is potentially powerful one. It is the stage of sexual mastery. The Goddess cultures knew it well. The ancient Tantric tradition was actually founded by female masters who understood the sacred power of sexuality and its relationship to the Divine. Crone women’s continued sexuality in ancient times is one of the mysteries now coming to light. These older women chose to stay sexually active with their aging mates or, if widowed or unattached, they were known to take younger male lovers for pleasure because no one assumed that their sexuality was over.
Menopause is not a disease, but our collective culture has a problem with aging women. Susan Hodgkiss, a sexy woman in her seventies, stages a monologue drama, called “Elements of the Flesh,” relating stories about her and her friends’ sexual experiences. Many who go to listen to her are shocked. “But she’s too old,” they say. Such is the dilemma of older women. They are taught to believe that they have much to lose at menopause because Crone women have less value to men and to the culture. Today, post-menopausal women are rewriting the cultural view of what it means to age. Such women no longer fit the standard view as dried up, but the party line about aging women has not kept up with the reality of the lives of the bulk of women now reaching 50 and beyond.
The good news is that it is possible to find new strengths from the transformation experience of menopause. For many women a free and fiercely assertive sexuality can emerge from the confrontation with their health issues. Today, many Crone women are seeking sexual pleasure more assertively than ever before. Far from eschewing sexuality, vital Crone women embrace it for the first time in their lives as purely for themselves. Crone sexual response is no longer estrogen-dependent as in the Maiden and Mother Stages, nor limited by the cycles of progesterone as with Mother pregnancy and birth. It has all the potential power that comes from the will of the fully conscious, self-reliant, experienced, sexual self-knowing, wise woman. If she chooses, she can use her sexuality to serve a higher purpose by receiving Divine inspiration and connecting to the Source.
Psychological Domains of the Maiden, Mother and Crone
Contemporary women can reconnect with sexual desire by acknowledging themselves as an expression of the Goddess. Part of this re-imaging is internalizing the three aspects of feminine nature. Becoming fully conscious of the three sexual expressions of the Goddess within allows us to choose to express any one or all three simultaneously.
The Maiden within us is the playful child, delighting in the wonder of pleasure and sexual exploration. She is longing to be loved. She is the source of our natural curiosity and sensuality. The psychological readiness to awaken sexual energy and feeling permission “to do what feels good for me” in a safe setting are necessary for the Maiden to come out to play.
The Mother is the loving nurturer, bestowing unconditional acceptance on the beloved, and generating compassionate loving beyond self-gratification. She is the source within us of our capacity to build communion with another in the act of giving and receiving sexual pleasure. The Mother in us takes responsibility for seductive conditions and knows how to surrender to sexual desire.
The Crone is the wise woman within, who can consciously generate healing power. She is the part of us that feels empowered to act on intentional desire, in an honoring setting. She is the wise one who intuitively connects with the spiritual nature of sexual energy. The Crone is the teacher, encouraging us to listen to intuition and recognize divine guidance.
The I AM GODDESS self-awareness integrates the Maiden, Mother, and Crone. The value of integrating the three expressions of the Goddess within is to create the ability and the wisdom to express your sexuality most fully.
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Linda E. Savage, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist and sex therapist who has been exploring the mysteries of sexual healing for over 25 years. Dr. Savage is the author of Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality: The Power of the Feminine Way, which presents a view of women’s sexuality that blends the ancient wisdom of the Goddess cultures with current clinical knowledge.
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Words of Wisdom
The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word.
- Mata Hari -
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