Love Addiction
Copyright 2003 by Egyirba High

So I’m a love addict. There, I’ve said it. I hate categories and labels. Still, even if there were not any, it would not change the behavior I engage in regularly. I first heard the term “love addict” about 10 years ago when my friend, Carnie, told me I was a love (and possibly sex) addict and that I should deal with that. I pooh-poohed that because Carnie always seemed to me to be trying to get me to do the “twelve step” dance with her. She’d been involved in this or that group over the years and though I had tried a couple of groups, I just couldn’t resonate with the twelve step approach. I just didn’t like the idea of thinking I was powerless over any of my “issues.” After all with my then new spiritual study and personal growth, I was working to empower myself. Accepting powerlessness in any form seemed like a step backward, and I just couldn’t reconcile that with my developing perspectives.
Nevertheless, here I was passionately, madly “in love” again and I ached when I didn’t hear from or see my new obsession. I took myself through a familiar routine response. I played sad songs, I ran visual movies through my mind’s eye of my imagined wondrous future with him, I cried, I took a daily mental inventory of what I thought he was doing at any given moment so I could try and justify what could keep him from calling or being with me.
The physical ache I felt from my intense involvement in this new relationship was worse than the physical withdrawal symptoms I had experienced when I quit smoking cigarettes five years earlier. It actually felt worse than that. As dramatic as it may seem, there were moments I felt I would die if I didn’t get my ‘hit’ of him.
Unlike the healthy person seeking partnership and sex as a complement to their life, the love and sex addict searches for something outside of themselves (a person, relationship or experience) which will provide them with the emotional and life stability that they themselves lack. Similar to a drug addict or alcoholic, love and sex addicts use their arousing romantic/sexual experiences in an attempt to "fix" themselves and remain emotionally stable.
He had everything I needed, everything I could want. He would make it alright. He would fix me. He would be the foundation-the solution to all that ailed me. It was love! Love! Who could argue with that?
And yet, I was so unhappy. Finally, finally, the hollowness of unfulfilled longing, the intense yearning was not enough. I seemed to need more and as long as I didn’t get it, love was not operating the way I thought it should have been. I needed and needed and needed and that wasn’t the way love was supposed to operate, was it?
Because I am ultimately committed to my own personal growth and spiritual development, and because I have reluctantly accepted the modern day notion of insanity-doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result-I decided to take a look at this issue-the part of my behavior that only seemed to reproduce the same unsatisfying relationships. Eventually, I had to acknowledge that I was always looking for someone to fill the inside emptiness that could only be filled by my own self-love and acceptance. I was intensely, madly, passionately attracted to someone who only knew how to avoid me. I had to come to know that I could not achieve my own goals and life dreams as long as I was continually distracted by some unmet inner needs that pulled me to yet another romantic interlude, and away from my focus on my life. It is a long-standing and habitual learned response that had directed this behavior. Maybe it worked at one time but as a mature woman I had long stopped seeing any effectiveness. I had to accept that my relationships, despite how fulfilling they seemed to be, were distractions from my goals and dreams, and inevitably doomed. As long as I was acting out of my well of need, these relationships would only end up the same way, or as variations on the same theme.
I have undertaken a serious effort to heal the wounded part that keeps acting out in order to fill empty places within. It is a moment by moment effort because I am learning to be aware of the impulses and stimuli which put me into active addiction mode. I use daily meditation, self-reflection and reading to influence change. I know that this is a gradual process and I am at the same time learning patience. I believe I succeed as I continually acknowledge my oneness with all life. I recognize that as I continually acknowledge the truth of my whole self, my deepest wisdom, or Higher Power (as Twelve Steps refer to it), that I am healing. I realize that as I align my mind in oneness that I am already whole, perfect, and complete. This continual reinforcement gives relief.
So, love addict, huh? Love is such a good thing. I just had it all wrong. As I right my understanding of the way love works, I affirm that I am a lover. I love life, I love myself, I love love. Love has everything to do with it, but a healthy love. A love that expresses, impresses and redresses all that I thought was wrong with me before. A love that fills me up inside.
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Visit Egyirba High at
Living Soulfully
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My Goddess Walk
Copyright 2003 by Dr. Tonya K. Freeman - Metaphysician - Motivator

It began a long, long time ago. When I was a young girl of five or six years of age. It was then that I wanted to blow magical fairy dust on people, so that they would happy. It was about the same time that I questioned my teachers in Catholic school about their religious teachings. What an upstart I was and still am *smile*
The first time I knew of the Goddess was when I looked in the mirror and saw my image. She was beautiful to my young eyes and She still is.
At around age nine was when I first saw an apparition. I was terrified because I didn’t know what was going on and my mother had the doctor come and sedate me. Too bad, she didn’t know what was actually going on. She was not raised in the ways of her Ancestors to any great extent.
Early in my teen years, I felt close to my Native American roots and showed it by wearing beads and moccasins. Little did I know that part of my spiritual path would be of Cherokee roots.
Then there was a time in my life when I had wanted to zap anyone who made me angry. I had bought books on ‘black magic’ as well as the Satanic Bible. I was dressing in black clothes mostly, with black nail polish. My mother had no idea what was on my mind!
During this time in my life I went to see a movie, The Brotherhood of Satan and in the lobby, there were rows of tables. On these tables there were tests for the moviegoers to take. I took the test and the end result was that my ‘witches’ rating was 55% and my ‘psychic’ rating was 65%. I went to the occult party that following weekend and met my ‘guru’ . I was close to my nineteenth birthday at this time..
Soon after the party, I became a student of yoga. I burned all of my books, except one, as instructed by my yoga teacher. Every morning, I awoke to exercise, chanting and meditation. I grew very sensitive to the energy around me and felt everything…and I mean everything.
Sitting on seats on the subway trains in New York proved to be a painful experience. I felt everything about the people that sat in the seat before my arrival and I would literally jump out of most seats, especially those in corners. I think people who are in a lot of pain, sit in those seats. Walking into empty rooms didn’t fare much better because I could feel everything that happened in the room, in detail. Too bad, I was not taught how to protect myself or cleanse myself. I learned that later on in life, like about thirty years later.
My path led me to quietly meditate whenever I felt danger about and the scent of roses were sweet to my nostrils. This was the scent that would make the ‘enemy’ go in another direction. How wonderful to feel safe amidst the ‘predators’ of the city.
I carried the love of spirit with me into the early seventies as I walked amongst the ‘Flower Children’, loving everyone and being one with nature in all of Her glory. Ah, the days of walking barefoot in the city.
Upon getting married, my then husband and I would meditate together and take nature walks through Central Park. We read a book entitled, The Great Book of Magical Art, Hindu Magic and East Indian Occultism by L. W. De Laurence
One night while reading from the book, we lost all sense of time but I do remember when we began reading the book it was 7 P.M. and when we finished reading the chapter it was still 7 P.M. How that happened, I may never know but it was some experience.
Our home was one that was draped in East Indian cloth, from the ceiling to the floor. We burned incense all the time and one night after company left, we could see the energy in the air moving around in a very choppy manner. After burning some rose incense, which was the scent we burned most often, we sat down and watched the energy change. We actually saw it come down in waves and then all was back to normal.
Moving right along, to the later years, there were dreams that I would have and still do of being anointed or going through some sort of initiation. Santeria, Candomble, Palo and then most recently by three Goddesses in the clouds. I almost became a priestess of Chango but I was not led to continue on that path. One of my spirit guides, Our Lady of Guadalupe stopped me and it was then that I began to just sit and wait for a sign as to where on my path I was to be.
One fine day, while at the library, I came across a book entitled, The Yoni: Sacred Symbol of Female Creative Power by Rufus Camphausen. That book led me to others and the more I read, the more I was taken by the Goddess and all of Her glory. The discoveries are endless and for that I am grateful.
I’ve explored and studied the Sacred Moontime of women and thus became empowered. I devoured everything that I found at the library about women and the Ancient Ways. I was touched by the Divine Femi9 Energy more than ever before in my life.
As I explore the Goddess from around the world, I embrace Her in every culture. I know no separation, no difference in Her Divine Energy. She is the Source of All. The void, the Spiral Dance. She is awesome as Maiden, Mother, Crone. She is powerful as Lover, Friend, Transformer. She is all knowing as midwife, doula, caretaker. She stands Her ground and waves Her magical wand finger. She is Oshun, Oya, Yemaya, Kali, Lakshimi, Psyche, Hecate Gaia, Our Lady of Guadalupe, the Blessed Virgin, Sophia and The Holy Spirit. She is called by these names and even more.
I love Her so. She fills me. Every aspect of the Goddess Energy is to be acknowledged, appreciated, explored and remembered.
Walking this Path of the Femi9 Woman™ is one that I was destined to do. I am forever happy that this is the calling that I heard loud and clear.
I now enjoy the Moon rituals, either alone or with my beloved soul mate. I dance the Dance of the Femi9 Woman™ and love every movement. I craft in more ways than one and will continue to do so as I age and become more at one with my Femi9 Crone Self.
Learning about the creative power of the yoni, my sacred source of expression could not have come at a better time in my life. With age comes wisdom. How glorious!
Yes, yes, and yes again to the Goddess within!
May I know the Ancient Ways and forever keep them sacred.
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For permission to reprint this article, contact us at: truthseeker1950@yahoo.com
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Healthy Bones The Wise Woman WayCopyright 2001 by Susun Weed

Every woman I know is concerned about osteoporosis. Frightening stories equate it with broken hips, bent spines, wheelchairs, and death - things we all want to avoid. What can we do? Should we take calcium supplements? Hormones? Fosamax? Can we rely on our green allies?
The Wise Woman tradition maintains that simple lifestyle choices - including, but not limited to, regular use of nourishing herbal infusions, medicinal herbal vinegars, yogurt, and seaweed - are sufficient to preserve bone and prevent breaks. And, further, that these lifestyle choices produce multiple health benefits, including reduction of heart disease and breast cancer, without the problems and risks associated with taking hormones. As for supplements, as we will see, they do more harm than good.
Forget Osteoporosis
First, we must rid ourselves of the idea that osteoporosis is important. In the Wise Woman Tradition, we focus on the patient, not the problem. There are no diseases and no cures for diseases. When we focus on osteoporosis, we cannot see the whole woman. The more we focus on disease - even disease prevention - the less likely we are to know how to nourish health/wholeness/holiness.
In fact, focusing our attention narrowly on the prevention of osteoporosis actually increases the incidence of breast cancer. The postmenopausal women with the highest bone mass are the most likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer. Women who take estrogen replacement to prevent osteoporosis, even for as little as five years, increase their risk of breast cancer by twenty percent; if they take hormone replacement, the risk increases by forty percent.
These risks might be vindicated if we could show a correlation between bone density and bone breakage, but there isn't one. When I found myself at dinner in 2000 with Susan Brown, director of the Osteoporosis Information Clearing House, I asked her to point me in the direction of any study that shows a clear relationship between osteoporosis and broken bones. She smiled. "There are none."
"In a recent study," she continued. "Researchers measured the bone density of people over 65 who had broken bones. Twenty-five percent had osteoporosis. Twenty-five percent had high bone density. And fifty percent had normal density." Notice that those with high bone density broke their hips as frequently as those with osteoporosis.
Get Flexible
If osteoporosis isn't the problem, what is? In a word: inflexibility. Flexible bones bend; stiff bones break. This holds true even if the flexible bone is thin, even if the stiff bone is thick. Think of a piece of dead pine wood. Though it may be thick, it is brittle and breaks easily. Think of a green pine twig. Even a small one is nearly impossible to break. Flexible bones, whether thick or thin, bend rather than break.
Flexibility is synonymous with health in the Wise Woman Tradition. It is created by nourishing and tonifying. Bone flexibility is created by nourishing the bones and tonifying the muscles around them. Tonifying is as important as nourishing, but because we are herbalists, let's focus on the benefits nourishing herbs offer to women who wish to have strong, flexible bones.
Nourishing Our Bones
Old age does not make weak bones. Poor nutrition makes weak bones.
What are bones made of? Like all tissues, they contain protein. They are rich in minerals, not just calcium, but also potassium, manganese, magnesium, silica, iron, zinc, selenium, boron, phosphorus, sulphur, chromium, and dozens of others. And in order to use those minerals, vitamin D must be present and the diet must contain high-quality fats.
1. Bones Need Protein
I have heard, and no doubt you have too, that animal protein leaches calcium from the bones. This is only half true. All protein, whether from meat, beans, soy, grains, or vegetables, uses calcium in digestion. Protein from soy is especially detrimental to bone health; soy is not only naturally deficient in calcium, it also directly interferes with calcium uptake in the bones. Traditional diets combine protein and calcium (eg, seaweed with tofu, tortillas made from corn ground on limestone with beans, and melted cheese on a hamburger). Protein-rich herbs such as stinging nettle, oatstraw, red clover, and comfrey leaf provide plenty of calcium too, as do yogurt, cheese, and milk (which also provide the healthy fats needed to utilize the minerals). Limiting protein limits bone health. Increasing mineral-rich proteins increases bone health.
2. Bones Need High-Quality Fats
Hormones are kinds of fats, and cholesterol is the precursor to many of them. Post-menopausal bone problems do not, to my mind, arise from a lack of estrogen, but from a lack of fat. If the diet is deficient in good-quality fats, hormones will be produced in inadequate amounts. And vitamin D, a hormone-like vitamin, will not be utilized well. Further, mineral absorption is dependent on fats. A low-fat diet, in my opinion, makes it quite difficult to have healthy bones.
3. Bones Need Minerals
Bones do need calcium, and they are the last to get it, so our diets need to be very rich in this mineral. But to focus on calcium to the exclusion of other minerals leads to broken bones, for calcium is brittle and inflexible. Think of a piece of chalk, calcium carbonate, and how easily it breaks. A six-and-a-half year study of 10,000 white women over the age of 65 found that "Use of calcium supplements was associated with increased risk of hip and vertebral fracture; use of TumsÔ antacid tablets was associated with increased risk of fractures of the proximal humerus." The other minerals found in bone lend it flexibility. When we get our calcium from herbs and foods (containing a multitude of minerals) we nourish healthy bones.
4. Extracting Minerals
From the Wise Woman perspective, the perfect way to maintain bone health, bone flexibility, and resistance to fracture is to use mineral-rich herbs and foods. Because minerals are bulky and do not compact, we must consume generous amounts to make a difference in our health. Just as eating a teaspoon of carrots is laughable, so is taking mineral-rich herbs in capsule or tincture form. Because minerals are rock-like, we need to break open cell walls to get at them. Raw, fresh foods do not deliver minerals to our bodies.
To extract minerals, we need heat, time, and generous quantities of plant material. I prefer to extract minerals into water or vinegar. To make a nourishing herbal infusion, I pour one quart/liter boiling water over one ounce/30 grams of dried herb in a canning jar, covering it tightly, and letting it brew overnight. In the morning, I strain out the mineral-rich liquid and drink it - over ice or heated, with honey or milk, mixed with black tea, seasoned with mint, spiked with rum, however you want it. You can drink the entire quart in one day, but do finish it within two.
My favorite nourishing herbal infusions are made from oatstraw (Avena sativa) or nettle (Urtica dioica) or red clover (Trifolium pratense) or comfrey leaves (Symphytum uplandica x). I sometimes add a little bit of aromatic herb such as peppermint (Mentha pipperata), lemon balm (Melissa off.), or bergamot (Monarda didyma) to change the flavor.
To extract minerals from fruits and vegetables, I cook them for long periods of time, or until there is color and texture change, evidence that the cell walls have been broken. Kale cooked for an hour delivers far more mineral to your bones than lightly steamed kale. Fresh juices contain virtually no minerals. Cooking maximizes the nutrients available to us, especially the minerals.
5. Herbs Are Mineral Powerhouses
Eating a cup of cooked greens every day is difficult, even for the most motivated woman. But drinking nourishing herbal infusions, eating seaweeds, and using medicinal herbal vinegars is easy. They are tasty, fun to prepare and use, and add a big nutritional plus with virtually no calories attached. Nourishing herbs and garden weeds are typically far richer in minerals than ordinary foodstuffs. Not only are nourishing herbs exceptional sources of minerals, their minerals are better at preventing bone breaks than supplements.
The ability of herbs to counter osteoporosis may be more complex than their richness of minerals, however. The minerals in green plants seem to be utilized more readily by the body and to be ideal for keeping bones healthy. Dr. Campbell, professor of Nutritional Biochemistry at Cornell University, has done extensive research in rural China where the lowest known fracture rates for midlife and older women were found. He says, "The closer people get to a diet based on plant foods and leafy vegetables, the lower the rates of many diseases, including osteoporosis."
In Summation
My own experiences in helping women regain and maintain bone density and flexibility have led me to believe that life-style modifications work exceptionally well for motivated women who wish to avoid the risks and expense of long-term pill use. Nourishing herbal infusions, mineral-rich herbal vinegars, yogurt, and seaweed, combined with attention to tonification of the muscles, unfailingly increases bone density and creates flexible, healthy bones and women.
Green blessings to you all.
8 Keys to Healthy Bones
1. Good nutrition for your mother while pregnant with you.
2. Good nutrition for you during the formation of your bones.
3. Monthly menses throughout your fertile years, especially before 30.
4. Special attention to maintaining high levels of protein, fat, minerals, and vitamins from herbs and foods in your diet when menses cease during pregnancy, lactation, or after menopause.
5. Regular rhythmical movement, the faster the better, daily.
6. Consistent practice of yoga, tai chi, or any strengthening, opening, flexibility-building discipline.
7. Chop wood, carry water.
8. Eat yogurt.
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For permission to reprint this article, contact us at:susunweed@hvc.rr.com
Susun Weed - PO Box 64, Woodstock, NY 12498 (fax) 1-845-246-8081
Visit Susun Weed at: http://www.susunweed.com and http://www.ashtreepublishing.com
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Words of Wisdom
Look into the mirror of your soul and know the Self.
- Mama -
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Dr. Tonya K. Freeman
Editor, Spiral Dance News
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